My vacation...
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An Ozark E-Zine
Yes, dear ladies and gents, I have returned from a marvelous Las Vegas vacation, during which I indulged nearly 3 glorious weeks of doing nothing but what pleased me most.

Wow... what a revelation and wonderfully revitalizing space.

Many thanks for this great indulgence go to my compatriot in arms, dear friend, loyal client, editor/publisher of www.ArmchairHoodlum.com and host for my entire visit, Michael C. Kelley. A true gentleman & scholarly left-wing nut case, Mr. Kelley regaled my senses with profound socio-cultural banter and regal patronage, making for divine conversation and boisterous good fun.

Part One of my little pictorial of my Las Vegas trip is now online.

And there'll be more to come, after I get my client-list caught up...

Until then, cheers!!!!

Fixers unite.....
Have you ever noticed how some of us, women mostly it seems but I'm sure it applies also to some men, have this complex need to "fix" things? And it's not really a "need." It's more of a driving force.

A passion to make things whole and clean; fresh, alive and new.

All good things, I expect. Except there is a problem... Some things cannot be "fixed."

Factually, by the physicists terms, nothing in the universe is fixed -- as in "stationary; remaining in one place."

But of course this is a different definition than implicit to the phrase us fixers use. What we mean is to "make things right" and keep them in "good repair." Anthropologically speaking, it might be called "the nesting urge."

Part of the problem is that we do not innately know how to fix broken things -- which is where the illustrious talent of "nagging" comes in. But still, if we are true fixers and we don't know how to repair or clean it, we'll hire it done. If we don't have the money to hire a professional, we'll beleaguer every soul we know with "how to" questions, read books, and convene experiments entirely on our own.

Today, wanting to get a stubborn stain out of a favorite cotton shirt, I crushed some vitamin C tabs and mixed them with household peroxide, dabbed it on the garment and... it seems to have worked!!! I "fixed" it and I get a reward. I get to wear it again!!!

But the problem is that all things are not stained shirts. And even if they were, some stains defy the minds of physicists preferring to stubbornly cling to a fixed spot.

So the real problem, it seems to me, is that when we fixers can't fix something, we somehow seem to think that we've "done something wrong." That we've "failed to accomplish our mission." That we, like the stain, are somehow tarnishing the brilliance we seek.

In light of this, here's a thought to consider: If it wasn't broken before we got there, there'd be no need to fix it.

Think about that.....

Then also recognize that sometimes it takes a while of working with something to figure out that it just doesn't work...!!! It's either not what the manufacturer purported it to be, or not what we thought we were signing up for when we sealed the deal.

And this really is more to the core of the problem: That all of us fixers perhaps ought to learn how to "give things up." Just say "No thanks, I'll pass. The one who created it can clean up the mess," and simply move on.

Bearing no regrets.

HEMP HEMP HOORAY!!

Plant sprouting up in skincare, clothes, snacks
By Stefanie Scarlett, The Journal Gazette

It can make lip balm more luscious.

It gives waffles a double shot of nutritional goodies with its protein and essential fatty acids.

It even turns a trendy, pricey blazer into an eco-friendly garment.

Hemp is hip...!!!

Thanks to the growing demand for all things healthy and natural, the marketplace for products containing hemp seeds, oil and fiber is expanding as well.

Popping up in the grocery aisles and industrial research labs, the versatile plant has sprouted in everything from The Body Shop's hemp lotion to tote bags at Target and natural fiber clothing by Edun, the fashion line launched this month by U2 rocker Bono and his wife.~

Long overdue and well deserved, the humble hemp plant is at last coming into its own as a marketplace contender. For more on the illustrious history of hemp, click here.

To buy hemp products online, visit my good friend Sandie at For Mother Earth.

And now, on a completely unrelated subject, here's something sent to me by Joyce, a woman I've know nearly since I was born....

MOM - Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the Moms you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated

Wishing for each of us moms and dads only and exactly what we have earned and deserve, and hoping this proves to be something we richly enjoy.

Christine Weiss
editor@gozarks.com

Hey! Come visit us at SassafrasWilds!!!

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Any & All available Flowering Bulbs and Planting Volunteers